5 things I'm learning from an experiment in saying, "No."
- Stephanie Brinkley
- Oct 3
- 1 min read
Updated: Oct 6
I'm in the middle of a week-long experiment to say, "No," to anything that is not already on my calendar. This experiment started as a result of an emotionally charged conversation I had with my husband last week when resentment came bubbling out of my heart, and I started reflecting on where it stemmed from.
My hypothesis was I was I was feeling frustrated and tired from being too busy with a fully booked calendar. I was over-giving in multiple areas of life and not feeling like I was receiving much in return. In an effort to be gentle and compassionate with myself (something I've been fostering for a couple of years in my life now), I decided to run an experiment around this hypothesis. I am on Day 6 of the Just Say No experiment. Here are 5 things I'm noticing.
The main person I need to say no to is myself.
I have an irresistible urge to offer help to others, even when they don't ask.
Me saying No can empower others to say Yes.
The first thoughts I have when I say No tend to be, "I'm lazy," and "I'm selfish."
I need a lot more practice at saying no, especially to myself.
It's a good thing I'm a curious person because my findings are leading to more questions.
Do you experience resentment from time to time? If so, what do you believe to be the cause of it? Do you have a hard time saying, "No" to others or yourself? I'd love to hear about your experiences in the comments.
Oh, Stephanie, what a wonderful blog post on such an important subject! I think I am pretty good at saying No (but I had to learn it too, over the years!).... and I found your first point "The main person I need to say No to is myself"... extremely fascinating.. because I had not thought of that particular aspect before!! My Mom learned to say NO... it was after she had breast cancer at 49 years of age. I remember her telling me that she was learning to say No.... and having less stress (along with a very healthy lifestyle)... my Mom lived to the age of 89!!
Congratulations on saying "no" more often! It used to be so hard for me too. Sometimes it still is, but I have gotten better and moving past the discomfort. Framing it as an experiment makes it easier.